What I’ve Done

It is just tragic that we get to choose between life and death. In certain cases, we do not get to choose. The architects of Cathedral of Vasily the Blessed or, more formally, Cathedral of the Intercession of the Most Holy Theotokos on the Moat (St. Basil’s cathedral in Moscow) were blinded by Ivan the Terrible after its completion because he did not want anything more beautiful built in Russia. Yes, it is true that they were not murdered, but they could no longer do their life-long work. Essentially, they were killed.

Mental illness is a real thing. I know that most people do not understand it. There are afflictions that are not visible. Most people have never knowingly had contact with a person with a mental illness. Ivan the Terrible was either mentally challenged, or so conceited that he thought he could rule the world (as many of the Czars, and Presidents/Rulers of Russia think that they are, somehow, above mere mortals).

Then there are those who suffer from mental health issues and think that they are alone – but then they realize that they are not. Some never realize that. Somehow, they think they are worthless. Chester Bennington was one of those individuals. He was a very talented individual and gave everything to the success of Linkin Park.

Not that this piece is, in any way, an homage to Chester Bennington specifically, but he plays a big part in the construction of this work. I could quote any number of lyrics that point to his frustration with life.

What I’ve done. Anyone, with a conscience, could utter that phrase. We have all made bad/horrible decisions. Internalizing them is toxic. There have been times when I have considered suicide, and then come to the realization that it is just conceit and wanting to hurt others. Obviously, I am still alive and have learned to deal with those feelings.

Finally, to quote Chester Bennington in what, I think, must have been his mind-set, “In the end, it doesn’t even matter.” A terrible end to a talented person. Requiescat in Pace, Chester. The battle is over for you, but, perhaps, you have inspired others to carry on. I know you did for me.

~ Giles